Let’s Talk About Disability

Let’s Talk About Disability.

No one wants to be labeled, yet we all are in some form. White, black, tall, short, fat, thin, etc. You get the idea.

For the past two weeks, I have been bedridden with a painful leg. Last month, I faced other unrelated health issues. This has disrupted my schedule and affected my mental health.

Society says that if you are not a productive adult, you are lazy and irresponsible. Sometimes those dealing with some form of disability may appear to be perfectly healthy, but underneath, there is a lot more than the eye can see. This is a perfect reason never to judge someone else. You do not know what they are dealing with in private.

For those who are not aware, I have had three different types of cancer throughout my life. While I am cancer-free now, I do have long lasting side effects from chemotherapy and medications. I have never considered myself disabled; merely challenged. 

I am a person who thrives on schedule and organization. For almost thirty years I worked in marketing, and it required me to be super organized with a set schedule. Even though I left that world in 2013, I still practice many of the things I learned. Each day I have a list of things to accomplish. Being methodical, I have very high expectations of myself. 

When I say I am going to do something for someone, especially if they are paying me, I am not going to rest until it is done to the best of my ability. Therefore, lying in bed for two weeks has wrecked total havoc in my life. Time is ticking and I am checking off the list in my head of what is NOT getting done. All the people I am letting down.

The fact is, in many ways I do have a disability. My body is full of arthritis and currently showing out in both my knees. I cannot sit for long periods of time, nor can I be on my feet for long periods. This means I must pace myself in everything I do. Add any other health issue and things can get dicey quickly. Yet still, I do not call myself disabled. For my organized OCD brain, this is not acceptable.

Well guess what? My current thoughts and reality are markedly different. So, what to do? Feel sorry for myself? (I have.) Get angry and frustrated? (I have.) Give up? (NEVER!)

Have you experienced a similar situation? Maybe a long-term illness, but maybe something else? A crisis that you felt would never get better? I think if we live long enough, we all have episodes like these.

I have no great words of wisdom here, but I can tell you what I’ve learned over the past two weeks. 

* Many things that I fret over daily are not priority. It’s just me trying to control the outcome. Surrender the small stuff. I am not in control anyway.

*Forced convalescence can be a good thing. I have been wrestling with a decision and last week I finally found peace with it and feel I can move forward. Listen in silence. Be still.

*Life does not stop. Family and friends have made sure that I am being thought about and cared for.  I have not gone hungry, had a clean bed to rest in, and clean clothes to put on. You do not have to weather a crisis alone.

*It’s okay to have a bad day; to cry, rant, etc. We are human with very complex emotions. We must get through the tough times to appreciate the good moments. Feel your emotions; just don’t allow them to take over.

*This too will pass. I have been through harder times, and while this event is rotten, I will be okay. Soon I will be back at my list, checking things off. Nothing lasts forever.

*Being disabled for a short period of time humbles you and helps you to grow empathetically. My oldest sister was bedridden the last few years of her life. There was no getting better for her, yet she still managed to have something positive to say and encouraged people through cards and phone calls. She had lived a life of busy-ness before her illness. A total control freak. Through her disabled times, I saw her grow more patient, she become a very good listener and never complained much about her situation.

*Love is with us. Always. Through everything. Love wins.

Disability is real. It can be for a short time or longer. The good news is that it doesn’t have to define us. We get to decide who we are despite debilitating moments. I choose to be creative, loving, and hopeful. Turns out, I can still do all those things even from bed.